Never Have I Ever
by Hannelore-Grace
Summary: In which the Yarders, Sherlock, and John play the time-honored drinking game.


***I have no clue how many shots is too many. I could very well be giving all the characters alcohol poisoning and not know it. This being said, please suspend your disbelief for any unintentional liver-killing I may have caused.***

It started out as a simple drinking game. Something to ease the tension that inevitably pervaded every room that was simultaneously housing both Sherlock and Anderson. Lestrade insisted on having these silly little get-togethers ("It boosts morale! And if you want to come on any more cases, Sherlock, you'd best be there, too.), so they were forced to find a coping mechanism.

Alcohol was unanimously voted the best method of tolerating these social events. Sherlock, however, adamantly refused to "dim his senses with toxic chemicals" unless it served a higher purpose, and nobody trusted Sherlock to be sober while they were all inebriated. John came up with a solution to this little conundrum, too. Having discovered that Sherlock's naturally competitive nature meant that he could never resist a challenge, they began indulging in a variety of drinking games.

"Beeropoly" was quickly tossed out of the question when they discovered that the game took far too long to play, and everyone lost the ability to count the squares within the first hour of play.

"James Bond" was also crossed off the list of potential drinking games due to Sherlock's insistence that he couldn't tolerate watching the movies a second time, much less doing so in the company of Anderson.

"Beer Pong" almost worked, until John came dangerously close to revealing himself as the famed Cabbie Shooter due to his perfect record. Upon realizing this, Sherlock quickly made the game miserable for everyone involved by intentionally missing the cups and pelting the other players with beer-soaked ping pong balls.

And this brought them up to their current week's game: Never Have I Ever.

"Okay gents and lady, this one's fairly simple. You sit in a circle, you go around that circle saying something that you've never done, and anyone that has done it has to take a shot. Got it?"

"Sounds dull."

"Shut it, Freak. It's either this or James Bond."

"I don't understand your infatuation with those movies. They're absurd and not the least bit realistic."

"That's the point, Sherlock. It's escapism." Lestrade sighed from where he was pouring a table full of shot glasses. He could already tell that this adventure was doomed to failure.

"Oh, yes, sorry. I forgot that your lives are all so boring that you feel inclined to watch a fictionalized reality instead of observing your own."

"Sherlock."

"Yes, John?"

"Just shut up and play the game."

"Alright, I'll start then." Lestrade bit his lip, trying to think of a good one. He grinned as he stated, "Never have I ever worn a scarf to hide a hickey."

He smirked as Sherlock took a shot, and was gratified to see Sally down one also. Good. Two birds with one stone.

Next was Anderson's turn: "Never have I ever had sex in a public restroom."

Sherlock and John exchanged a glance before each taking a shot. Sally wrinkled her nose but continued the game. "Never have I ever cross-dressed."

There were audible sputters as John and Lestrade took a drink.

"Lestrade!"

"What?" He looked over defensively. "It was for a case."

"And what's your excuse, John?" Anderson grinned broadly, just imagining what the circumstances surrounding that event must have been.

"It was for science."

"Science?"

"Yes, science. Now if you'll stop killing brain cells with your inane chatter, I believe that you'll find it's my turn." Sherlock's eyes darted over the room before settling on Anderson with a smirk. "Never have I ever been attended a Jurassic Park convention dressed as my favorite character, the velociraptor."

"What? That's not fair! You can't directly pin someone like that."

"Lestrade?"

"Hold on. Looking up the rules...No, it doesn't say anything about it. Just says that it has to be something that you've never done."

"Bastard," Anderson snarled while taking his shot.

"Okay. Well, I guess it's my turn then." John chewed on his lip, trying to find something that would knock them all down a peg or two. "Never have I ever been in handcuffs." He grinned as everyone around the circle took a shot. While they were busy drinking, Sherlock leaned over and whispered something in John's ear that made him grin and blush just the tiniest bit.

"Okay. Back to me then." Lestrade had been making a list in his head the entire last round and thought he had a good one for sure this time. "Never have I ever eaten anything not meant for human consumption."

"Sherlock, would that jam you made earlier this week count?"

"Well, its base ingredients weren't meant for human consumption, but the jam overall seemed pretty edible. At least you enjoyed it until I told you what it was."

"Right. Well, I suppose that tree bark you gave me last week knocks me out anyway." John tossed back yet another shot.

"Tree bark?"

"For science."

Anderson looked Sherlock over closely before choosing his response. "Never have I ever seriously contemplated killing someone."

Sherlock merely stared at Anderson smugly while John tossed back another shot. Fortunately, this went unnoticed as Anderson rounded on Sherlock.

"Hey, come on now. You're lying, Sherlock!"

"No, I'm not. I've seriously contemplated _getting away with _killing someone, but I've never actually considered _actually killing _them. There's a difference there, and I'm sure that even your pathetic little brain can figure it out. Now, Sally. Try your worst."

"Never have I ever been poisoned."

John frowned. "Does intentionally poisoning yourself count?"

"What?"

"Well, if you knew it was poisonous, but you drank it anyway...for science."

"Oh, don't look at me like that, Sally. I had the antidote completely prepared, and I was fully willing to dial 999 if things went poorly. He was just poisoned long enough to take a short literacy test, and the effects overall were mild."

"I'll take that as a yes, it does count, then." John knocked back another shot.

Sherlock steepled his fingers under his chin and stared intently around the circle. "Never have I ever had more than one sexual partner at a time."

Anderson and John both took a drink. John by now was feeling rather happy and was noticing just how good Sherlock looked tonight and was about to tell him when Sherlock cleared his throat.

"You're turn, John."

"Oh. Yes. Right. Um...Never have I ever hacked someone's computer."

Sherlock frowned at John but drank his shot.

"Okay. Um...Never have I ever painted my fingernails." Lestrade grinned as Sally and John both drank, John heading his off with, "For science!"

Anderson was anxious for his turn, because he finally knew that he had gotten Sherlock pinned on this one. "Never have I ever used a riding crop."

"But you've used a belt, and it's essentially the same thing."

"Doesn't matter. I haven't used a riding crop. And what would you know about the belt?"

"Oh, please. You and Sally both go off for a case one weekend and then both of you come back and decline sitting in chairs for the next two days? Couldn't be more obvious."

Sally and Anderson glared darkly at him, but Sherlock took his drink. John had one too. Lestrade had a drink just to help erase the mental images that last bit alone brought on.

"Never have I ever screwed around in an elevator."

"Do I have to take two shots if I've done it on an escalator, too?"

"What?" The whole circle's eyes were on John as he blinked up at them.

"How, John...Just...how?"

"Just a little frottage. The height difference worked out well because of the steps. It was rather late at night, too."

Sally began giggling, not even trying to repress the laughter. "John, did you really go at it like a couple of desperate teenagers on an escalator?"

"No. Well, yes. But then we went at it like a couple of desperate teenagers in one of the changing rooms, so I think it all evens out, really."

"John, I'm not sure how arithmetic works in that little drunken world of yours, but I'd sure like to be there." Lestrade grinned and tipped his shot to John before drinking it.

Sherlock threw his friend a concerned look before examining the relative drunkeness levels of everyone else around the circle. On one hand, it would be fun to see John completely hammered long before anyone got past tipsy. On the other, it was truly frustrating to him that Sally had yet to consume more than a couple of shots.

"Never have I ever been to a gay bar."

Sally, Lestrade and John all tipped a glass up. Apparently, Sherlock could have his cake and eat it too.

"Mmmmm...This is hard. I've done _a lot _of things."

"We can see that." Sherlock smiled as John began slowly leaning towards him.

"Well, I suppose I never heard my dad say he was proud of me."

Everyone looked guiltily at one another before taking a drink. Suddenly, getting John drunk didn't sound like as much of a good idea. Sherlock scowled and turned to face John, tipping his chin up so he could look into his eyes.

"Doesn't matter. You're doing fine without his approval."

"Thanks, Sherlock. S'awfully nice of you."

The group quickly and simultaneously cleared their throats, turning their attention back on the game. Lestrade was finding that it was harder and harder to come up with things that could potentially lead to other people getting drunk. There were plenty of things that he hadn't done, but only because they were the sorts of things that only the truly idiotic did.

"Never have I ever slept with anyone not from the UK."

"That's a bingo!" John happily tipped back another shot, while Sherlock smirked next to him. He drank one of his own, too, but he knew for a fact that his conquests were a lot less impressive than John's. For some reason, Sherlock "Two Countries and One Sovereign State" Holmes didn't have the same ring as John "Three Continents" Watson.

Anderson was by now feeling buzzed enough to think that Sherlock maybe wasn't really all that bad, and so he went with a simple, "Never have I ever been in a car accident."

"Does an IED causing your medical van to blow up count?"

"Um...No."

"Oh." John reached out and took a shot anyway.

"John, we said it didn't count."

John looked up at Sherlock from where his head was resting on the detective's shoulder and grinned. "I know. I just wanted to have a drink anyway. I think I'm winning the game, Sherlock."

"No, John. You're really not. The point is to try and be the most sober."

"Oh." John gave Sherlock another big, dopey grin. "Why would anyone try winning, then? This is much more fun."

"Yes, well, I believe this is going to be your last round."

Sally giggled at the two, shaking her head in disbelief at how...tolerable Sherlock was being. "Never have I ever made googly eyes at my flatmate during a drinking game."

Sherlock rolled his eyes but quickly downed his shot and then took John's from him before he could drink it. He tossed it back and set the two empty glasses aside. "Sorry, John. I think you've had enough for tonight."

"Okie dokie."

"And I believe I'll conclude the game with: Never have I ever spent over a month forcing a consulting detective and his colleague to come to ridiculous social events in hopes of getting them drunk and thereby making them unintentionally reveal whether or not they are in an actual relationship so that the running pool at the Yard can finally be settled."

Anderson, Sally, and Lestrade abashedly threw back a drink while Sherlock collected John up off the floor and helped him out the door and into a taxi.


End file.
